turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
