I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
