Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
