There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
