Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
