I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
