The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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