I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
