she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
