Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
