he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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