i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
