Can i not drive my cunt home
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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