Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
