the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
