Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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