She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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