Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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