better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
