The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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