pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
