yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Randomize
