It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
