Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
