only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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