I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize