is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
