We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize