yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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