Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
