ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
