he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
