oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
