My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
