First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize