Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
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