Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
