i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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