With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
