Someone shit on the floor
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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