Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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