Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
