Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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