dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
