Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
zippers are such a cool invention
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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