I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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