After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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