If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize