And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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