Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
