I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
