please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
