I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
