dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
