As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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