I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You are the jesus of drinking
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
We smell like vodka and hangover
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