dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
