drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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