Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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