You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
