Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
